Writing About the Hard Stuff is ... Hard
Meltdowns and mayhem plus 4 new articles – yep, I've been busy!
Contents
On Raising Mini Jackasses
Writing Update
Short-B-Read Publication Update
Survey Update
Resources and Competition Update
Until Next Time …
1. On Raising Mini Jackasses
It’s been a rough couple weeks in our household. Our four-year-old has been going through some stuff, and as a result, it’s been hell for all of us. Some of it is typical four-year-old attitude but it’s also been almost daily meltdowns, which seem to be the result of a bunch of changes this year.
It’s the first time we’ve seen our little girl experience a long period of time where she seems really low and not at all like herself. It’s been heartbreaking and frustrating and infuriating.
See, the thing about parenting is that even though us parents get to experience the highest of highs like love, awe, and pride, we also experience the lowest of lows like sadness, anger, and frustration. When our kids are struggling, we are too.
It was on Friday when I really lost it. Miss Four was jamming our 11-month-old’s head into her bedroom door. This wasn’t a time when I could escape to my own bedroom and scream into my pillow as that angry bubble was wanting to burst out of me. I had to grab Little Mister and in the process I yelled at my daughter: ‘WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! DON’T YOU EVER JAM ANY PART OF YOUR BROTHER IN ANYTHING EVER AGAIN!’ Of course she proceeded to wail and scream at the top of her lungs. And it took forever to calm her down.
Saturday didn’t go much better, but I did remove myself from the situation so I wouldn’t end up screaming right in her face. I felt sick and sad and desperate.
This is the stuff no parent wants to talk about. We don’t want to be angry, raging monsters and we sure as hell don’t want people to know about it. Yet it’s a reality I think most of us experience (if you don’t ever get angry with your kids, can I have some of what you’re having, please?). Parents get angry and fed up sometimes. How can we not when we have these little humans running around like tiny Johnny Knoxvilles who don’t care about anything and don’t have any responsibilities? (Side note: the Jackass show started airing almost 21 years ago—what??)
On the other side of all this, being a parent is such a beautiful thing, and my heart aches (in a good way) when my Little Miss grabs some toys and jumps into the cot with her little brother to entertain him while I make his bottle. There are so many sweet moments that I never want to forget. But as with most things, we’ve gotta take the bad with the good.
We’ve since had a couple of good days (possibly all about to go to shit with it now being the start of preschool for the week again) and I’ve started reading How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A survival guide to life with children ages 2–7 by Joanna Faber & Julie King.
I haven’t even made my way through the first chapter yet, but already this part struck a chord:
‘… we can’t behave right when we don’t feel right. And kids can’t behave right when they don’t feel right. If we don’t take care of their feelings first, we have little chance of engaging their cooperation’ — Joanna Faber
It’s not because positive parenting is all the rage right now (I know some people would be rolling their eyes at the mere mention of ‘positive parenting’), it’s because I don’t want to be an angry yelling mum. Sure, it’s gonna happen sometimes, but it feels awful. I feel guilty and sick to my stomach if I’ve yelled at my daughter, and I highly doubt she feels good about it either.
So, we’ll take it one day at a time and try to find a few different tools to add to our parenting kit that will enable us to be better parents.
We’re all learning here. Parents and children alike. And while we’re learning we’re bound to make mistakes.
Even Joanna Faber herself says she’s not perfect and doesn’t always get it right, and she’s a parenting expert AND the daughter of a parenting expert (Adele Faber wrote the first How to Talk So Kids Will Listen book). We’re in good company, at least.
Writing about all this and sharing my ups and downs is hard. Especially when I used to spend so much time trying to pretend everything’s coming up roses. But these vulnerable and honest stories are the ones that resonate with people and have the ability to make a difference (at least I hope!).
On that note, I’ve got a few new articles below, including one about my father that took a lot out of me.
(Feel free to share your own parenting struggle stories by leaving a comment or via email.)
2. Writing Update
I’ve started jotting down notes for a new picture book idea and I even managed to enter a story in February’s Furious Fiction competition (I’ll be sharing that one towards the end of the month once the winners have been announced).
But mostly I’ve been writing articles. Here are four of my latest:
‘My 4-Year-Old Said ‘F*ck’ — and I’m Not Even Mad’—Some more of the wonders of parenting!
‘Grieving My Father Means Also Letting Go of Answers I’ll Never Get’—It’s been two years now since my dad died. This is one I just had to get out as that two-year date crept up and my mind was swirling with sadness and regret.
‘My Dog Was Attacked — How to Prepare in Case it Happens to Your Dog’—Not the same as the dog attack story I shared last newsletter. This one has practical tips for what you can do if your dog gets attacked.
‘5 Writing-Related Things to Do When You Can’t Write’—If, like me, you have a million and one things on your plate and it’s hard to fit in actual writing, here are some things you can do to keep your mind on writing even when you can’t get words down.
3. Short-B-Read Publication Update
The February newsletter went out and you can read it here. Along with an author spotlight, latest stories, and book review, you’ll also find info on a bunch of upcoming events for writers including a short story award with up to $7500 in cash prizes.
Here are some of the latest stories published if you’re looking for a quick fiction fix:
‘When Will We Rest?’ by Dayle Fogarty
‘When We Were Young’ by Andrea Duran
‘Shards of Hope’ by Jimmy Webb
Dayle and I are looking at starting some monthly prompts, so get in touch if you’re interested in joining and submitting stories for the prompts or if you’d like more info (get in touch with me via email or SBR here: short.b.read.publication@gmail.com).
4. Survey Update
Sending out a big thank you to everyone who participated in my survey! The responses were largely positive but have given me some direction with this newsletter too. I’ll be analysing the answers further and digging deep to see what I can do better here.
But as always, I’m open to discussion and welcome feedback even if it’s to complain about my ramblings :D
5. Resources and Competition Update
From what I’ve seen in the survey, many of you would like to see more resources and competitions. I’m working on all of it, but as you know, limited hours and all that.
I have a Style Sheet Template almost ready to go. (Check out this link for more info on style sheets if you’re scratching your head and wondering what the heck it even is.) Why isn’t it already ready if it’s a template I use all the time? Because I’m adding notes and writing out different options for you all with as much detail as possible so it makes sense to those who aren’t familiar with using a style sheet for writing. I’m trying to include instructions and adding things that I don’t always use on every single style sheet but that you might need depending on what kind of project you’ll be using it for. And it’s almost done!
Since I’m still not close to reaching 100 subscribers (promoting myself is not my favourite thing ever), I’m planning to launch a one-off competition next month where subscribers can win an edit on a short story, picture book, article, or equivalent. I’ll see how this one goes but hopefully it’ll be the start of more opportunities to come. Feel free to reach out with your thoughts on this—I’m open to suggestions.
6. Until Next Time …
I’ll be sipping on chamomile tea and watching the tennis—come on Ash Barty! And fitting in bursts of writing as usual.
Have a happy fortnight, friends!
Writing About the Hard Stuff is ... Hard
Sending some love. Kids are hard. I've read that book, and I wasn't able to implement the tactics, because, my kids are a another level of complexity... But what I did take away from the book was, I wasn't alone in this. It was normal for kids to go through this too. I think I need to get this book out again and remind myself these things. We still get morning meltdowns from Master 3 because his breakfast didn't come out in the right order, the fruit wasn't the right one and the bowl was the wrong colour. Any attempt to fix it is met with, "No because you already did it, and I don't want it anymore." Scream in my pillow indeed. There's hope though. And it's called school. ;) x